I wish they knew
I wish they knew she isn’t being difficult, she has anxiety.
I wish they knew she isn’t being defiant, she is overwhelmed.
I wish they knew she isn’t refusing to do things, she just needs time to process.
I wish they knew she isn’t being rude, she has selective mutism.
I wish they knew what it took to get here today.
I wish they knew what we have overcome, and how far she has come.
I wish they knew that autism doesn’t have a ‘look’, she may look like a neurotypical teenager, but she isn’t.
I wish they knew all of these things, but they don’t and just like a broken record I will explain them all again.
As we embark on another trip to the hospital tomorrow I wish I didn’t have to explain all of these things to a new bunch of people again. Our DD will turn 16 in a few months, and looks and for the most part acts like your regular everyday teenager. However she does have autism, anxiety and selective mutism.
I would love just once to have a doctor or medical team actually look at the records before we walk into a room, let them explain to the radiography staff that this patient may not want to participate and do everything on your time. They may need a gentle approach, or some extra time allocated to their appointment.
I would love it if I didn’t have to explain all of these things in front of her again and again. I know it makes me uncomfortable and I know it makes her uncomfortable. And then when I do mention these things, rather than treat her like a teenager with anxiety, ASD and SM they treat her like a child, and in her words a child who is stupid.
She is fully aware that she needs to do these things to heal, however that does not help her actually do them. She operates on fight or flight reflexes, her flight has been taken away with the fact that she is in a wheelchair with a broken leg, she knows she shouldn’t fight, her only option is to shut down, refuse to cooperate or speak.
All we need you to know is that this time, for this broken leg, we managed to get in to her room within hours to assess it, unlike the day it took last time. We managed to get her to an X-ray place within a day this time, unlike 2 days the last time. We managed to get her to the hospital within 2 days unlike the 4 days last time. She is doing her best, please respect that.
Believe it or not I am saying all of these things to myself also. I find as a parent my number one concern is for my children, and I will be their voice when they can’t find theirs. I just wish I didn’t have to, I wish that people could see that teenagers have autism too, and this isn’t always immediately obvious. There is no set time that they will be over it, or that they will miraculously stop being anxious about visits to the doctors, or hospital.
They may let fear overcome their senses, they need your understanding, not your frustration.
They understand all the reasons you are telling them to get up and walk, or take the brace off so you can do an x-ray, it does not mean they can do it on your command.
Please don’t read this as a slur on the medical profession, we have come across some wonderful people in all areas of health. This is more a wish that I have that there was more awareness and understanding on how to deal with teenagers on the spectrum. The teenagers that for the most part appear 100% neurotypical. The teenagers that may look as though they are being defiant, rather than wait for mum to explain what is going on, take a moment and consider that they may just be overwhelmed by everything.
The images in this post are not my own, nor of my daughter. Credit links below.
Image by Bianca Van Dijk from Pixabay
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay
Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay
Image by Wokandapix from Pixabay
You May Also Like
